You Can't Take it With You
by hochmodel
Summary: "I miss her so much. Maybe that's why I can't concentrate. It's been two-and-a-half years since I saw Tamora pack, wearing her marine's uniform. It's been two-and-a-half years since I've made love to her. It's been two-and-a-half years since Jamie's seen her."
1. Chapter 1

do not own anyone but Jamie. WIR AU

I can't concentrate on my book. I never really was a book person- that is more Tammy's forte. I'm more of a mathematician. Though, it didn't help that it was Tammy's book. She loves to read; says it takes her to new places without her having to hurt anybody, unlike her job. That's how she escapes: books.

I miss her so much. Maybe that's why I can't concentrate. It's been two-and-a-half years since I saw her pack, wearing her marine's uniform. It's been two-and-a-half years since I've made love to her. It's been two-and-a-half years since Jamie's seen her.

And she misses us, too. Whenever she calls, she stays on for as long as possible, asking to talk to Jamie and everyone else, staying tough- but it's all fake. I remember last time she came back from war. The Tammy I knew was a former shell of herself. She needed years of therapy for her PTSD, was struggling not to kill herself, and was very reclusive. It took her a few months to get back on her feet, but she managed to do it; she credits the gang- meaning me, my best friend Ralph, and his little sister, Vanellope. She really is a strong woman, but I just hope Jamie doesn't have to see that. It was heart-wrenching to go through it.

"Felix, you've been on the same page for an hour. Everything okay?" Ralph asked me from the kitchen.

"Yeah brother." I force a smile. "Have you seen my son?"

"Jamie? Vanellope thought you looked exhausted, so she put him to bed." I smiled. Leave it to that sweet little devil.

I don't know what I'd do without them living here with me. Jamie and I really couldn't survive on my income- I'm just a repair man- so Ralph working at the construction site with the wrecking ball sure helps things. Vanellope is currently looking for a job- ideally, racing- but she's doing so well with Jamie that I'm secretly hoping she never finds one.

I'm trying not to think of myself as a single parent, but another day Tammy's gone is another day I worry I'm never going to see her again. And it gets awfully lonely, too. Vanellope had Rancis, who is not in the least modest when it comes to Public Displays of Affection, and while Ralph doesn't have a steady girlfriend, he's certainly been out quite a few times with various women. Fortunately, he never brings them home, because the one time he did...well, Jamie was very curious about what he saw, and, being seven-years-old, was not quite ready for the "birds and the bees" talk. It gets harder, too, to remember I'm even married. It's very tempting whenever I see a fine lady to court her, knowing I won't see Tammy again for months. But I always hold back; I could never look Ralph and Vanellope in the eyes again- they're as good of friends with Tamora as they are with me, and I need to be a role model to my son, and how would it look to him if he caught his father cheating on his mother? But the biggest one is that I know thislong, agonizing wait will be worth it when I see my beautiful wife again. So, every time I'm tempted, all I need is a quick glance at my wedding ring to remind me of the great thing that I don't plan on ruining.

Ralph said something about retiring to bed, and I was left alone with my book.

After a few hours, I heard a small voice. "Daddy?" I looked up from my book to see my small son rubbing his blue eyes with his messy brown hair sticking up all over the place.

I smiled at him, putting the book down and extending my arms towards him. "Everything okay, sweetie?" He dragged his teddy bear on the floor- a gift Tammy gave him before she left for the war- and his blue footie pajamas shuffled on the white carpet. He climbed up onto my lap, and yawned.

"I had a nightmare." He complained.

"What about?" I asked, rubbing his arm. It must have been genetic- it worked on Tammy, and it worked on him, too.

He paused for a second before asking, "When is mommy coming home?" I felt a lump in my throat- the one I had refused to acknowledge existed for about a year now.

"Soon." I choked out, not letting my baby see how painful it was to be reminded that I was here waiting while she was goodness-knows-where-doing-what...or what was being done to her.

"You always give me that answer." I nodded. It was the only information I could give him. "What if she's not coming home?"

I gripped him tightly. "She is, sweetheart. She is." I breathed "You will see mommy again." Tears formed in my eyes, and I blinked them away.

He snuggled in my chest. "In my dream she didn't." I couldn't say a word. I was too shocked. "In my dream, we were all wearing black, and mommy was dead in another country. Uncle Ralph and Aunt Vanellope were huggin, and you were crying."

"What were you doing?" I asked, wincing when I heard my voice crack.

"I was praying for her to be alive again." He dropped his teddy bear and hugged me. I hugged him back, unable to let go of another thing I absolutely adored. Not this time. "I miss her, daddy."

"I miss her too, baby." I cried. I felt my shirt get wet and heard him silently crying, and I took it as permission to cry, too.

I don't know how long we stayed like this. But eventually, there was a knock at the door.

**And I'll leave it there. You decide the ending. Does Jamie's dream come true, or is it Tammy, going to surprise them? **

**And this, my friends, is one of the many reasons why I HATE war.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:**

**I'm not sure if I will make another chapter. I left it open just in case, and I'm not going to lie, my brain is resisting the temptation...because I feel like my story has more power if I don't.**

**Part of me feels as though uploading a second chapter would be cheating the story- many family members who have gone to war come back, and many don't. There's a political undertone when I write these- many people ignore those that really need our help.  
**

**This story is showing my thoughts on war- horrible, brutal to the family (Felix's loneliness, Jamie not seeing his mother for a boy so young, the family barely scraping by financially, having to have Ralph and Vanellope move in, Felix considering cheating, because, let's be honest, he loves her, he really does, but missing her and the loneliness is killing him), killing the soldiers mentally (Tamora's PTSD, seriously considering suicide, struggling with an unshakable depression), obviously killing them physically, and overall nearly inexcusable. It's too easy to ignore all of this when it's not you (not readers, you, but you as in the general population) that's been affected. While I have never had to deal with a military parent, I have had plenty of military personnel in my family, and it's, I dare to say, helped shape it. **

**I'm against war, always have been, always will be, and I'm scared that attaching an ending to this will cheapen the message. If I attach a proper ending, it may just a) turn into a happy "everything is okay in the end" story, or b) angsty story, and those endings don't always stick with people- they may be more focused on Tamora than how the family is affected. And it ignores the fact that many soldiers do, indeed, return home. But they return home with unspeakable horrors. What do you think?**


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own anyone but Jamie. WIR AU and the song "Safe and Sound" belongs to Taylor Swift.

**AND I NEED EVERYONE TO READ THIS MESSAGE IN BOLD! I do not have a military parent or sibling. I have NO clue how a personnel would react when he or she comes home. I am doing what I can with the knowledge that I have. If you do have experience with this, and what I will describe is not congruent to what happened, PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED. AND ANY FLAMES WILL BE DELETED!**

**On that happy note, enjoy. :)**

"Jamie, get up. I have to answer the door." I said, wiping my tears with my hand.

"No!"

"Why?"

"Because they might tell us mommy's dead." He sobbed. He clung onto me, edging towards hysterics. "P-P-PLEASE, D-D-DADDY! I DON'T- cough- WANT THEM TO TELL ME-cough- THAHT!" He cried into my chest. I nearly took him up on his offer. Maybe I didn't want to know. Maybe I wanted to continue not knowing...maybe it would be better than knowing I had lost her. I couldn't hold back my single tear, but when I heard the knock again, I knew that it was time to act my age. I set a crying Jamie down, and slowly walked to the door, wiping any remaining tears from my face.

I opened the door, and I have no idea how long I stood there. All I know is that I heard a very annoyed, deep yet female voice shout, "You gonna let me in my own house, or what?!" I could only see beautiful blue eyes stare down at me, towering over my eyes by a foot. I could only see short blonde hair sticking up everywhere, covered in dirt. I could only see a pale face crinkled in a glower.

"Felix? You okay?" The woman asked.

"MOMMY!" I heard my young boy shriek behind me. "MOMMY!" He bolted right past me and tackled her. "MOMMY!" I vaguely saw many shed tears from my son, and a few from her as well.

"What's with all the ruckus?!" I heard my best friend say as he stomped down the stairs.

"What's going on?" A young woman said. They both screamed.

"TAMORA!" "TAMORA!" They dog-piled on my son, causing them all to fall. I still stood at the door, unable to process through the grunts and whines of pain from contact with the pavement what was happening.

"And here I thought you would be happy to see me, Honeyglow." She smirked, being raised up by Vanellope and Ralph.

"Tammy..." I muttered.

"Yep, that's my name." She said.

"TAMMY!" I shouted, finally able to understand what had happened. "TAMMY!" I tackled her, and, once again, she fell to the ground, though I think she was too happy to care. I trailed her face with kisses, not caring about how dirty it was. She laughed, and I laughed, too, though it was hard to see her through my tears. "I can't-I didn't-I-"

"You actually thought I would get myself killed out there, didn't you, Honeyglow?" She laughed through her own tears. I cupped her face.

"Not for a second, ma'am." I said, unable to contain my euphoria.

"Well, come on, then. Let's get her inside." Ralph said, beaming. He and I picked her up, only to see her nearly fall again, crying out. Vanellope caught her from hitting the ground, face forward.

"Mommy, what happened to your leg?" a worried Jamie asked her. A somber silence filled the air. We all looked at her leg, pretending to ignore her hiding her face in her bangs.

Half of her left leg was gone. On the ground were crutches.

We were still for a few moments. Finally, Tammy cleared her throat. "I'm fine," she growled. "Just hand me my crutches." I did as she demanded. She mounted them, and, without looking at us, swung inside.

"What's going to happen, now?" Ralph quietly asked me.

"Jamie, why don't you help your mother?" I asked, feigning a smile. He nodded, smiled, and darted inside, screaming mommy the whole way. Their laughter was music to my ears- I hadn't heard anything like that in a long time. But I also knew that this happy homecoming wasn't going to last long.

"It's probably going to be worse than before..." I muttered, unable to keep my eyes off of them.

"What is?" Vanellope asked, looking at me.

"I'm going to have to hide the knives again." I said to myself, ignoring their looks of pity. They've been through the drill; they understand it. "And the pills. I'll have to set up an appointment with Dr. Schaloway, too. Hopefully, this time, she'll get over her depression faster. And I _really _hope that she doesn't wake Jamie up in the middle of the night with her screaming." Their breathing turned heavy.

"Want us to stay?" Vanellope whispered, taking my hand.

"Yes, please." I whimpered, close to completely breaking down. I turned to see the young woman. "I don't want to have to call 911 again because there's blood all over the bathroom and she's desperate to die. And Jamie can't lose his mother. He just can't. He needs her." My voice broke, and I was crying again. My lands, I was doing a lot of crying tonight. "_I _need her."

Ralph enveloped me in a hug-something he hadn't done for two-and-a-half years; since the day she left. "We're here, buddy. We're here." He whispered. Vanellope hugged me, too. I half-smiled, just wishing I could enjoy her being home.

We all walked in to see Tammy leaning against the wall, silently crying with a sobbing Jamie in her arms. "A-A-AND T-T-T-THEN..I-cough- THOUGHT YOU WERE-cough- D-D-DEAHD!" He screamed into her uniform. She rocked him back and forth.

"I remember tears streamin' down your face when I said I'd never let you go," she sang to him.  
"When all those shadows almost killed your light. I remember you sayin 'don't leave here alone'. But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight."

"BUT YOU DID LEAVE ME!" He cried, causing her to violently cringe, and my already broken heart to tear to shreds. But she kept softly singing to him, her voice beginning to crack from the tears.

"Just close your eyes; the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now, Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound." He pulled away from her, and they smiled at each other. She kissed his forehead.

Eventually, the crying stopped. She kissed him again, and set him down. He reached up to her, silently begging to be held- to know that she was fine and that he wasn't going to lose her again. "Come on, kid." Vanellope smiled at the young boy, and took him by the hand. He still reached for his mother, who began to reach for him, too. Vanellope continued to tug, trying to make it sound as though she wasn't crying. "Your mommy and daddy need some time alone." Ralph picked up the small boy, cooing to him as the three climbed the stairs. I was left alone with my wife. My crying, legless, broken wife.

"He's gotten so big since I've been gone," she whispered, her hand still extended in the empty air, never turning her regretful gaze from where he stood. I nodded, not really knowing what to say. "He thinks I left him," she spoke even softer, finally lowering her arm. She leaned her head against the wall, and breathed a deep sigh.

"Tammy?" I asked, a little scared to move. She hung her head, and I grabbed her hand. "Come here."

She smiled at me again; I felt my heart flutter. "I'm fine." My eyes unwittingly went to the scars on her wrists- her first attempt. Her smile dropped. But I beamed at her, just glad she was safe and sound. For now, anyway.

But I should have known it wouldn't last.

"AAAAAH!" She shrieked.

"HUAAH!" I yelled, slightly startled out of my sleep. She had bolted up to a sitting position and was panting like an overly exercised dog.

I quickly put my arms around her, trying to keep her away from the demons that plagued her; the demons that nearly killed the love of my life three times. She tried to refuse me, but I just hold tighter, humming the melody she sang to Jamie, earlier. She's unnaturally tense, probably ready for an enemy attack. She continues to pant; even cough a little, but I never let her go. I rest my head on her shoulder, and eventually- it feels like hours, her body relaxes. She let out the breath she had been holding, and fell back onto the bed. I rolled over to see her eyes. We didn't need words- this happened too often; words had become cheap. I simply rested my arm over her chest and kissed those chewed up, bloody lips.

The fear in her eyes died, and she fell fast asleep again, much to my content. It wasn't long until I fell asleep, as well.

Though, only a few hours passed before the cycle began again.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own anyone but Jamie. WIR AU and the song "Fix You" belongs to Coldplay.

**A message to anyone that reviews my work and tells me he or she hates it...you are not forced to read my work. No one is holding a gun to your head demanding you to read it. If my fanfics are too emotional for you or you don't like my writing style or plotlines...just click out. I won't care. I CAN'T EVEN TELL! So, if you "cry [yourselves] to sleep, praying and wishing [I] would stop writing", there's a simple solution. GTFO.**

**Seriously. I'm all for constructive criticism, but that's just mean. And if you are going to insult me, at least don't hide behind and anonymous username. Cowards. **

**On that happy note, enjoy. :)**

"I'm not going." Tammy stubbornly demanded, her arms crossed and her face in a permanent scowl. I sighed, and turned into the parking space.

"Tammy..."

"I don't need it, Fixton."

"Then why were you screaming again, last night?" I asked, my exhaustion creeping into my voice.

She was silent. "Tammy, you honestly have no idea how much I love you. I would bring you the moon, if I could. If I could take this away from you, I'd do it in a heartbeat, no questions asked. But, as much as I want to, I can't. All I can do is support you. And I will till the end of my days. But just, _please, _go! You've done this before. And I know you can do it again." I turned to her and smiled, but all she did was continue to stare straight ahead.

"You just don't get it, do you, Fixton," she breathed, the lines of war permanently etched in her face. "Have you ever had to go to therapy? Have you ever had to relive all of the horrors you have been through and all you weaknesses, having someone else not only know about them but watch you curl in a vulnerable ball, completely susceptible to everything you've been keeping out?!" She shouted to my face, causing me to cringe.

I turned off the car, and rested my head on the steering wheel. "Tammy, I have come so close to losing you too many times. You've been to war twice, each time filling me with an unspeakable ache in my heart. You finally come back, and attempt suicide three times. And to think, all of this was _before _Jamie. Tammy, I'm a grown man, and even I had reached my breaking point emotionally by the first attempt. What about Jamie, though? He's lived without you for _years, _Tammy!" I lifted my head to look at her, only to see her looking back at me, tired and sad. "Don't make him go the rest of his life without you. And if you don't do it for us, do it for yourself, because you deserve better."

She opened her door, and, wordlessly, grabbed her crutches, and swung out, towards the therapist's office. When I saw that she had gone inside, I broke down.

She really doesn't know. I have no idea the horrors she's seen or the things she's done. I'm not arrogant enough to believe that I have the slightest clue what she's been through. But I know what I've been through- Hell. Pardon my language, but it's true. It's all worth it. I wouldn't dream of leaving her, especially when she's this vulnerable. I love her too much.

I looked at the window, wiping my tears, only to see her there, crying. She opened the door, and pushed herself inside. She ran her hands though my hair, knowing it would calm me down. "And here I thought I was the one who was supposed to cry," she joked.

"How was therapy?"

"Fine."

I wiped her face. "You are crying."

"Because I see you so broken, and I know it's all my fault." I fiercely hugged her, soaking her shirt.

"Don't think like that, ma'am. I love you, and no matter what, I'll be here."

She held me, and we stayed like that for what felt like hours. I don't know how long it actually was- I had been losing track of time for days, now. All I knew is that I needed her here, and she needed me, and both of us were broken...

I hate war.


End file.
